In reflecting on this reality, it's daunting and joyous. Daunting in that we have to wonder WTH we are going to do next year-let alone our lives. That thought alone put me in a funk for weeks and paralyzed me into complete self-doubt. Some people can sit well with uncertainty during transitions. Others cannot. I apparently was in the latter category. It was terrible to now know what I was going to do and it was like standing on a precipice with seemingly no direction to go towards. The best analogy I could give was college application time-all these choices but in reality only one. As I was getting ready to wean myself off of a formal connection to the University I love, I found that I was not ready at all.
But it's also joyous for it's a chance to celebrate but also to go out with a bang. After weeks of grappling with it, I am finally there-thrusting my energies into finishing this year strongly and joyfully no matter what the future may hold. I don't think I ever shook as many hands and took as many pictures as I did yesterday. The only thing missing from it being a political campaign was kissing babies. Several people said that I deserved a raise (I told my pastor that I want to enter a new tax bracket) and asked how I don't have a big ego with how much the kids love me (Jonathan Lewis' Asian jokes and Anna Waechter's humility help with that). The chances to be a role model and more importantly, a "celebrity" are abundant. The Lenten series on learning about other faiths that I thought of and organized has been drawing 30-40 people each event when my mentor thought that 5-10 for each one would be a success. I've been laying the groundwork for a couple articles that I hope to finish by May 28. There are more parties and free dinners to attend. It's been a blessing.
So as I reflect on how it may seem like these last few months are the beginning of the end...it may in reality be more of the end of the beginning.
2 comments:
Yes, transitions can be tough. Endings are a bit sad, and beginnings are a bit scary, but I do find that these are good times to look back on all the amazing adventures we have been blessed to experience and this gives us hope to look forward to the countless adventures we know are to come. In times like these I like to think of the J.R.R. Tolkien quote spoken in the words of Bilbo Baggins: "'It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door, You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." Perhaps our beginnings and our endings will not be so scary or sad if we can recognize the work of the Spirit in them and allow the Spirit to sweep us off to the path that surely leads us to God. It requires a strong heart and much trust, but you know what Echo 5? I think we got this. Peace.
Anna made me think of this quote from Hope Floats:
"Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will..."
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